Meeting the Family
by Cat Kills Millions
Summary: The time has come. The time to meet the family. Ludwig and Feliciano have reached that stage of their relationship. Human AU. Gertalia. Rated for language and themes! You have been warned
1. Chapter 1

Ch1: Chena con i Vergas.

Ludwig was ready for this. The German had read twelve self-help books for this occasion. He'd

picked out a nice suit, bought chocolate and wine, and taken the world's longest shower, meaning all

possible scent of beer, wurst and potatoes was erased. This way, a certain southerner wouldn't have

any fuel for his fire, for his flames of German prejudice. Yes, he could do this. He had never been so

prepared.

Besides, it's not like he had to introduce himself to the entire family. The blonde already knew Feli's

brother. Of course, he acknowledged the fact that Romano wasn't very fond of him (meaning he would love nothing more than to see Ludwig's eyes gouged out with a hot spoon, before having several key body parts cut off and salt rubbed into the stubs before finally being burned at the stake for the crime of corrupting his little brother). Knowing this however, Ludwig remained oddly optimistic as he knocked on the heavy, wooden door of his boyfriend's villa, he'd lived in military-training camps for most of his childhood, he'd survived amnesia (a story for another day) and he lived with Gilbert. How hard could talking to a pasta-loving Italian pensioner be?

A tall, muscular man with dark-brown hair and golden eyes answered the door. He wore a black suit,

with a matching fedora and a pair of expensive, black leather shoes. The stranger greeted Ludwig with a carefree smile and a wink. (In other words: He's sexy and he knows it don don don non don don don non don don non non.)

"Hello, you must be Feli's boyfriend. I'm his Nonno Roman". This was his grandfather? He couldn't be a day over thirty. The suit-clad man seemed too young to be his father, never mind his father's father!

However the military-man brushed this off with a polite "Yes. Hello Mr. Vergas, I'm Ludwig Bewderschmitt" and a firm handshake. First introduction was a success. Short but to the point. Like Danni DeVito.

"That name sound familiar..."Roman scratched his Adam's apple thoughtfully before waving it off. "Oh well, it'll come. Please, come inside."

Ludwig was led into the large dwelling. Every wall was decorated with beautiful paintings or adorable

pictures of the family. This gave the whole place gave a feeling of warmth and security. Ludwig

followed the man to the dining-room which was filled with the scent of Italian cooking. Roman informed him dinner would be ready in a few minutes.

Romano sat at the table staring at the knife in his hand and muttering something about "potato

bastards" while Feliciano had his arms around his brothers singing something about white flags, boots and circles. It didn't take long for the youngest Italian to notice Ludwig and envelop him in a bone-crushing glomp. "Ve~"

"Get a room." Snapped the grumpy brother, disgusted by the sight of his little brother touching the

macho potato.

"Okay!" Now Feliciano proceeded to drag a startled Ludwig across the large kitchen into the hallway

before he became distracted by Romano shouting and tugging harshly at the two. "No! I won't let a

fucking cuckoo-clock-loving fascist steal my frattello's virtue!"

"Ve~ Italy invented fascism, silly!" Trust Feliciano to focus on that.

"Besides, how do you know Feli's still a virgin? He does spend most nights at Ludwig's." Grandpa

Roman's voice chimed in from the kitchen aria followed by a string of his smooth chuckles.

Suddenly, the man's face grew grave; he turned to the German and raised a single eyebrow. "He is

still a virgin, right?"

Ludwig was red-faced. "Y-yes sir."

"No I'm not!"

Everyone turned to Feliciano in shock and horror.

"What are you talking about?!" It was Ludwig's turn to ask questions. Had he lost it to someone else?

No, that was ridiculous! "I don't think that means what you think it means!"

"Well, virgin olive-oil is just olive oil with nothing else. So if I'm a virgin it must mean that I'm only

made by one thing! But I'm made from billions of tiny cells that all have a bunch of different stuff in

th-"

Romano sighed in both frustration and relief. "No dipshit, we mean the other way. Like around the

beginning of the new testament."

Feliciano gave a smile of understanding. "I can't tell you because nonno told me that these were

private, grown-up things that you shouldn't have to discuss-"

"GODAMMIT FELI-"

"Ve~ I think the gnocchi are ready! We'd better eat before they get cold!" The cheerful nineteen-

year old skipped to the stove and began to set up for dinner.

Once everyone was seated and had complimented for cooking, presentation or what they brought,

they slipped into some pretty comfortable conversation which Feli (per usual) initiated. "Ludwig's

studying to become an engineer!"

Roman was impressed. "I was an engineer once; it was my ninth favourite job."

"I'm sorry?" Ludwig inquired politely.

"Nonno's had more jobs than fucking Barbie and Arnold Schwarzenegger combined." Romano rudely, but

quite helpfully interrupted.

"Hey, Ludwig kinda looks and sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger, doesn't he? It makes sense, they're

both stupid bastards."

Roman laughed. "Says the one who had a giant poster of the man in a bathing suit hanging over his bed

when he was nine!"

Romano went red. "IT WAS A HUMAN ANATOMY STUDY FOR ART!"

"And I suppose all the times you wrote "Mrs Romano Schwarzenegger" with heart boarders in your binder

were just to practice cursive."

"SHUT UP BASTARD!" Damn, he thought he'd burned all the evidence

"Relax Romano. It was a phase and you passed through it."

"It was one time. Okay? Besides, at least he's not a German bastard."

Ludwig didn't know what was more disturbing, the fact that Romano had referred to himself as

Mrs. Schwarzenegger, that he'd admitted to the ridiculous acts or the fact that he was nine when this

obsessive behaviour was taking place.

"I blame myself!" Cried Roman dramatically. "If I hadn't left to build my various empires you two

wouldn't have been left to spend summers in the homes of Spaniards and Austrians!"

"Bastard, what does this ha-"

"You wouldn't be so confused by your genders and you would both be married to a pair of good Italian

women who'd have a lonely but still very attractive great-aunt to set me up with!"

"Ve~ I'm sure Ludwig knows a woman of that description!"

"How'd you two meet?" He changed the subject seeing as the only women the German knew were

probably drill Sargent. Besides, although Roman heard this story many times from his chatty grandson

he wanted to hear Ludwig's re-telling. Surely, he'd be able to add something to it. A German flair

(although he wasn't sure Germans could have flair, never mind their own special brand of it).

The blue-eyed college student decided to go with the time after the accident, seeing as before he

thought Feliciano was a girl and he was still a little fuzzy on the details (again, a story for another

day).

"It was May. He was hiding from Professor Kinkerland in a tomato box."

"What the fuck kind of story is that?!That told us nothing other than the fact that my brother's a

wimp! We already know that! Tell us something else kraut-face!" Rude.

"Well..." The German frowned and went slightly red. "He asked me not to kill him because you can't

kill a man who's never had se-"

"MY BROTHER WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING!"

Feli laughed. "But I did, and he made a really funny face and then I became his best friend, right?"

"Ja." This meant Feliciano clung to him, declared them BFFs, kidnapped a Japanese kid from the

library and decided that they should call themselves "The Axis Powers". Ludwig was convinced the

cute little Italian had no clue what he was referencing at first. Ludwig was wrong. This meant that he

either had some extreme political views or an extremely risky sense of humour. Ludwig had yet to

learn which one.

"Ludwig, Feli?" Asked Roman politely

"Ve~ Yes?"

"When am I gonna get some great-grand-babies? I'm not gonna live forever, yanno."

"I don't know," answered his grandson innocently "but I want lots and lots of kids! At least four!"

Ludwig understood that most modern Italians had only one or two children, most modern Germans

were the same so he wasn't expecting this kind of answer. But this was Feli, and the German was just

grateful he hadn't answered eighty-thousand-bazillion-by infinity-plus one ...or eight, you can't bring

up eight kids unless you're making some serious mula.

It was still an unexpected question. They were men after all! They couldn't physically have children

unless England or a fan fiction writer were somehow involved in the process. And any adoption agency

that would give Feli kids should be reported to the government. Ludwig loved him but the guy's

nineteen and still can't tie his own shoelaces! He killed sea-monkeys! How do you even kill sea-

monkeys you ask? Easy, battery-oil, a crayon, carbonara sauce and Miley Cyrus's 'Seven things I hate

about you' live on MTV...not that Ludwig had that song on his iPod or anything. He never really

expected to be under any pressure so he was not prepared for this question. "I...think...we

should...see where the relationship takes us first..."

"YOU MEAN YOU DON'T PLAN TO MARRY MY FREATELLO?! YOU MEAN YOU'RE JUST USING HIM FOR-"

"Are you not sure you love me enough to start a family?" Oh crap. Feli was about to cry.

"Nein! It's just...we're still in collage! It's not the time to be thinking about starting a family!"

Feliciano's tears seemed to return from their native spring. "Okay!"

When everyone was finished, Roman stood and disappeared for a while before returning with a large

bottle. "Well, I think Feliciano's finally old enough to try some grappa!"

"Ve~ Really?!"

Oddly enough, he didn't offer any to anyone but Feliciano. He didn't even take any himself.

Long story short, Feliciano got very drunk very fast and was clinging to his very, very confused

boyfriend. "Hey..."Hiccup."Ve~ Ludwig, yanno what's funny? You. You are so funny!" Then came the

crying. "Please don't leave me!"

Then he got angry. But that didn't last very long seeing as he had enough time to make the expression

before passing out onto Ludwig's lap. The engineering student almost felt like he had to explain

himself to Romano and Roman even if they'd seen the entire thing themselves.

"I'll bring him to bed." Sighed Ludwig.

"Fuck no!" Shouted the Southerner. "You'll try something, perverted potato!"

Romano dragged his brother to the room they shared. It was very awkward and Romano struggled as

he wasn't very strong, but in his mind he'd saved his brother from a Germanic pervert so it was worth

it.

Ludwig rose. "I'd better leave then. Thank you ver-"

"Follow me." Said Roman in a military tone the guest knew very well. It was not a request, it

was an order.

Once again, Ludwig was left following his host through the home until he was in an office that

reminded him of the one in the Wayne mention. (Even potato-bastards enjoy batman.) Dark wood,

red walls, bookshelves, a cream colour globe, an ornate desk with a large window behind it, a leather

couch in the corner and two comfortable-looking chairs on either side of the desk. The blue-eyed

man took it all in for a second. Ludwig wasn't much for nicknames, but he'd mentally christened it

"The Roman Cave."

"Sit."

Ludwig did as he was told.

Roman sat facing Ludwig behind the desk; his face was now serious as a Swede's. "In many ways, my

youngest grandson is like the girl of this family." Roman put his hands into 'the finger-pyramid of evil

contemplation' position. "You may not know this, but Italian fathers are very protective of their

daughters. Feli is more-or-less my daughter. Do you understand?"

Ludwig swallowed hard. "Yes sir."

"He really likes you. That's why you're not dead...Yet. "The ageless man rested his hands easily behind

his head. "Just make sure he keeps on liking you and we should be just fine."

That's when it all came together: Feli's family was mafia! It all made sense! The dress sense, the

expensive home, the seemingly split personality of the nonno. Roman had purposely gotten his

grandson drunk in order to get him out of the way so he could make his position clear to Ludwig. One

false move and he'd have the mafia on his tail. Well shit.

"I swear I'd rather die than upset you grandson." This was true. He really did love the pasta-eating cry

-baby.

"Well, of course. Just laying dead is easier than withstanding months upon months of physical,

psychological and emotional torture." Now Roman had a sweet, carefree smile plastered on his

youthful face. Yep, definitely mafia. "So make sure you don't."

Just then Romano burst in. "Where the fuck were you?! I thought the kraut had killed you and dumped

your body in a mass grave with his other victims! Why'd you come here?!"

"I was just showing him some stuff from my engineering days!" Smiled Roman innocently.

Romano didn't believe it but decided to play along. "Okay. But I still don't like the idea of potato

bastards in my house." Ludwig was getting sick of that nickname.

"Your brother likes him though." Reminded his nonno in a sing-song voice. This brought a slight smile

to the German's face.

"Don't I fucking know it." Mumbled Romano. "He spent ages making gnocchi because they had

potatoes in them. Do you know what making gnocchi by hand fucking entails?!" Romano went into a

rant about rolling potato-dough and boiling and making ragoo and how usually there are only twelve or so

pieces of gnocchi per plate. All because Ludwig ate allot of potatoes. If that wasn't love, the Italian

didn't know what was. "The stupid bastard loves you."

Ludwig sat in bed reflecting on last night's events. A night full of hand-gestures, chatting, death

threats and gnocchi. What's not to like? It had actually gone quite well. Sure the family was

eccentric, terrifying and they interrupted each-other allot which made it hard to get a word in, but

they did genuinely care about the youngest member.

Tomorrow, Feliciano would visit Ludwig's family. The German had confidence in Feliciano's ability to

win people over but he gave a silent prayer just in case. Feliciano was religious, he would have

appreciated that. After all, his priority right now was Feli's happiness. Ludwig's life literally depended

on it.

END OF PART I

* * *

A/N:

There is a 'Romeo and Juliet' and an 'American dad' reference in here somewhere. Go find it my

pretties! (Or uglies, not everyone can be grandpa Rome!)

It was just kinda in my head for a while but I think it turned out okay. (If not a little long.)

I feel bad for putting in so many cusses.

*SHAMELESS PLEA FOR REVIEWS*

*SHAMELESS PLEA FOR FAVORITE*

*SHAMELESS PLEA TO NOT DROP THIS STORY LIKE A BABY GIRAFFE KARLOFF*

(That last one was a Tarzan reference)

Flames welcome as it gets cold in Ireland during the winter and ain't nobody got cash for oil!

My authors note is too long dammit!-C

Sorry about the awkward paragraphing but C's laptop was being uncooperative. Hope it isn't too awkward to read! ~M

Two stories in one night! You lucky ducks! ~C+M


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Mittagsessen mit der Bewderschmitt's

* * *

Feliciano wasn't late! Well, if you think about it they had invited him for lunch, lunch involved food and an Italian is never, ever late for food. So really, it wasn't that impressive if you think about it. He was going to meet Ludwig's grandfather for the first time and he was both excited and terrified (he loved Ludwig but most Germans were scary!).

The traditional German home was nestled in a scenic story-book forest. Sunlight shone through the thick canopy of tall oak trees above the Italian. The sun's rays kind of looked like fairies. Arthur always went on about fairies. He was scary! What if he was lurking in the woods and silently cursing him? Romano was more superstitious than him but he was still kind of superstitious. Now he was going to die!

The auburn-haired man (or boy, depending on personal view of what it means to be a man) got his breathing under control. He had to be brave for Luddy! Pulling a string connected to a bell on top of the door, he tried to visualize his goal. The house was pretty cute though. Who knew? Maybe he'd be a cute little old man who wouldn't feed him English food, shoot him and through his body into the Rhine (although shooting him after making him eat Arthur's cooking would be kind of stupid seeing as he'd be dead already).

The suspense was killing him but finally, someone came to the door. It was...a dog? A really big, scary dog! It looked more like a wolf! Oh no! Ludwig and his grandfather were eaten by a wolf!

The Italian got ready to run for help when he heard the sound of someone barking orders in German. The 'wolf' retreated and Ludwig stood at the door to welcome him in. But Feliciano (who hadn't quite understood what had just happened) had ended up clinging to him and crying. "I'm so sorry about your nonno!"

"What?"

"He got eaten by that big scary wolf like in red riding hood!"

"That's just my dog."

Feliciano gave a wide grin of understanding. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

After Feli took off his shoes they made their way to the kitchen. Inside, an older version of Ludwig with longer hair was chopping onions with a straight face like the total bad-ass he obviously was.

"You're early." Stated the stranger. It was more of an observation than a compliment or criticism. "I'm Ludwig's opa." The man made no effort to shake hands. Probably because they smelled like onions.

"Ve~I brought food!" The little Italian set a basket next to the older man. "Your hair's really pretty!" The onion-chopping bad-ass had no clue how to respond to that.

"Ve~ Can I braid it?"

The onion-chopping bad-ass knew exactly how to respond to that though. "No."

"Okay~"

Suddenly, Feliciano was knocked over by three large dogs. To everyone's surprise, the short man just giggled.

"Ve~ Puppies~" Each dog got a large amount of affectionate petting. "Are these all your dogs?"

The one who had scared him at the door moments ago now lay across the Italian. When he knew they were just dogs, they didn't scare him so much.

"Ja."

The old man, who was now at the sink washing his hands, cut in. "Ludwig begged me for them and now I am left to look after them."

"That's not my fault!" Snapped Ludwig defensively. "My landlord won't let me have a dog."

"Then buy your own home."

"I can't afford it right now." Said the grandson through gritted teeth, trying to keep his temper. "Besides, you left me with Gilbert."

"Fair enough," Sighed the older man. "You trained the dogs well anyway. Speaking of training, how are your attempts at training Gilbert?"

Ludwig breathed deeply before answering. "He's no longer peeing wherever he wants. I mean, none of the plants in my house have died in months so I think I'm making progress."

Lunch came in the form of wurst, grilled onions and potatoes. It wasn't the standard of food the Italian was used to but he'd purposely starved himself (for two hours) so he ate without complaint. The oldest German frowned. "You know Feliciano; I think I've seen you before."

"Maybe when I worked for Rodrich when I was younger! I was so small then, you probably thought I was a girl though since Elisa dressed me in dresses."

"I never visited them during that time frame." He wasn't going to question why his son's partner allowed himself to be a dress-up doll. "Do you attend collage with Ludwig?"

"Yep! But I'm in the art department so I don't get to see him during class."

"Good, less of a distraction." Said the long haired man simply. "Why did you do art?" 'Other than the fact an engineering teacher would probably kill themselves trying to explain anything to you' he thought to himself' ha, he was funny in his mind.

"I like art."

"It's not a very stable career."

"But it's fun!" Well, he'd kind of guessed his grandson would be the provider.

A long, awkward silence followed. Oddly enough, it was broken by Ludwig in a desperate attempt to get his grandfather to approve the Italian. "Feliciano can run very fast." Oh Ludwig, you conversationalist. Suddenly, he detected an 'awesome' presence in the room. Standing directly behind Ludwig was his brother." Gilbert, what are you doing here?!"

"Don't play dumb! You paid Rodrich to distract the awesome me for the day while you introduced Feli!" The Prussian hugged Feliciano. This was done partly because the pasta-lover was the cutest thing ever, but mostly to tick Ludwig off (he was, surprisingly the jealous type).Suddenly, very sad violin music started playing and the albino let sparkly shojo tears stream delicately down his face. "All I wanted was the approval of mein kleine bruder!"

"That's not nice Luddy!" Feliciano gasped, absolutely scandalized that his boyfriend would do such a thing.

"Yah," smirked the Prussian "that's not nice!"

"Fine." Grumbled the younger brother. "You can sit down."

Gilbert made a point of getting a chair from the other side of the kitchen and jamming it right between Feliciano's and Ludwig's, separating the two. "So, what were we talkin' 'bout Willis?"

"Feliciano runs really fast." Said the grandfather dryly.

Gilbert laughed. "We all know that! Haven't you seen him when Mr Kinkerland's walking around? But I have a more interesting topic of conversation."

Everyone turned to the Prussian accept for Ludwig who just gave his glass of milk the death-stare. "We could talk about Luddy!"

"Yay!" Squealed Feliciano.

"Westy was such a cute kid!" The Prussian gave a big TV smile and pinched his Ludwig's cheek. "I have a few pictures on my phone!" Gilbert took out the flip-up Nokia. (His iPhone had been involved in an incident involving maple syrup, a dare from Francis and a polar-bear.) Ludwig buried his head in his hands. "Nein bruder, bitte." He pleaded, knowing he couldn't stop the Prussian from getting what he wanted. "Bruder! I'll do anything!"

Their grandfather rolled his eyes. "Be a man Ludwig."

Gilbert sniggered. His opa never missed out on a chance to look at pictures of Ludwig when he was still cute and didn't look like he could kill people using a grape. He handed his Feliciano phone. The grandfather went to the other side of the table to look in. The Italian made a face of pure joy as he looked at a picture of little Ludwig sleeping cuddled up with puppy versions of his three dogs. "Awww! That's so cute I could just die!" he squealed.

Ludwig supposed this wasn't so bad. He let out a sigh of relief. So the Prussian had tricked his brother that was fine, pretty funny really. (Because Germans can have a sense of humour too!)

Next was a picture of Ludwig crying in a bath with his face covered in bits of potato. That Prussian fucker.

"Aw!" cooed Feliciano once again. "Look at you! I've never seen you cry before!"

Ludwig flushed with embarrassment as he watched the group laugh at the photo. He was feeling rather uncomfortable seeing as his vital regions were on show.

They went through the album in about twenty minutes. With school plays, crying because he had to go to military camp and other unmentionables Ludwig was just about ready to crawl in a hole and die. Well, at least it was over.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Gilbert excused himself before leaving.

Peace at last.

Feliciano decided to ask opa something. "Why did you send Luddy to military camps?"

Ludwig knew this was a touchy subject.

"Because I wanted him to become strong."

"Don't you think he may have wanted to do normal child-like activities instead of marching and folding socks and mud-wrestling and waking up at the crack of dawn?"

The Italian meant well, he really did, but this was a subject the family wouldn't tackle wearing all that gear American footballers wear but rugby players seem to do fine without. Ludwig knew he had to cause a distraction. He could use a shiny object like a spoon to distract Feliciano but that wouldn't work for his grandfather.

"The awesome me is back!" announced the Prussian.

Ludwig had never been so relieved to see his brother in his life. That was until he saw what his brother was carrying. A large green box. "Look guys! I found this under West's old bed! I tripped, his bedroom door was open and I basically fall right next to it. Like, sideways diagonal."

That was the lamest excuse any of them had ever heard. Even their air-headed guest didn't buy it.

"Ve~ What is it?" (Not buying it does not mean you're not curious.)

Their grandfather scowled at the Prussian. This was taking it too far.

"Please return that. You had no right to go snooping. "He made a mental note to go snoop himself later although he already had a clue as to what it was.

"Fine."

However, the Prussian didn't see the dog resting under his legs and ended up tripping. He onto the table and the contents of the box spilled all over the kitchen.

Dirty magazines littered their surroundings. Ludwig covered his boyfriend's eyes. "Pick them up!" He hissed at his brother.

The strict German was a brilliant shade of red. His grandfather seemed only slightly embarrassed about his grandson's...possessions. The Prussian cleared them away as fast as he could. And a confused Italian was crying because he thought ghosts had turned out the lights.

Once all the magazines were cleared up and put in their proper place, Feliciano was allowed to see again.

The Prussian broke the ice. "So Feli, what do you see in my brother?"

"He's smart, shy, sweet, brave, caring, and has a huge-"

Ludwig jabbed him. "That's inappropriate."

"I don't think a huge ability to make me feel safe and loved is inappropriate Luddy! Stop putting yourself down!"

Gilbert laughed and opa cracked a smile. A SMILE! THE ONION-CUTTING BAD-ASS SMILED! THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US! No, just kidding. He's just laughing because Ludwig's mind was in the gutter. Again.

"If anything," sighed the Feliciano, taking a hold of Ludwig's hand (which was totes awks seeing as how Prussia was between the two). "I don't know what he sees in me, I'm pretty useless."

Ludwig wanted to make him feel better. So he did. The Ludwig way! "I will draw up a list. It may take several working days to get to your home. By "the Ludwig way" I mean the being-an-awkward-mofo-way.

Gilbert banged his head off the table. "You're not an unawesome high schooler! Gah! Why don't you just-"

"Gilbert." Snapped knowing something inappropriate was to come.

"So-rry! You're always telling me I should give my little bruder advice, and when I do, you criticize me."

"Some advice is just not yours to give!"

"Fine." Sighed the Prussian. "He's just not ready for my awesome wisdom."

"Ve~ Gilly's so smart!" Smiled Feli.

"See?! Someone appreciates my genius!"

"You flunked out of jam-making." Grumbled Ludwig before slowly repeating. "JAM. MAKING."

"Jamaican me crazy."

"What?"

"I got a C in creative writing. See my genius play on words?"

"You didn't invent Jamaican me crazy! No wonder you can only get good grades when you cheat! And you don't see a play on words!"

Feliciano was now using the table as a verbal-abuse bomb-shelter.

"Let's not make the night about grades." Sighed the onion killer. Wow, he never thought he'd say that.

The Italian felt something under his foot so he went to pick it up. "Hey Luddy, I think you missed one."

There he was: sweet, innocent little Feli, holding one of the strangest and dirtiest magazines in his boyfriend's collection. And he didn't seem to give a single flying fudge-muffin. "So this is what was in the box?"

Ludwig was a brilliant shade of tomato red but Feli just carried on as normal.

Ludwig's grandfather then decided he liked Feliciano. He was... accepting.

When Feli got home (Ludwig's house) him and Ludwig sat on the couch watching "The Fox and the Hound" (don't you judge them).

"I think the visit went pretty well." Smiled Feliciano.

"I think so too."

"Hey, what's your grandfather's name? He never mentioned it."

"Aldrich." Replied the blonde automatically.

"I recognized that name!" Smiled Feliciano, clapping his hands excitedly. "He was my nonno's friend!"

"Really?!" The German could not imagine the two being friends. Actually, did his opa have any friends?

"Yah! There's a picture of him somewhere in our house, just younger! That's where I saw him! My nonno is always going on about how he was such a stick in the mud! Well, he said he had a stick planted up a certain body-part but in the mud is just as good."

Ludwig would have stepped in to defend his grandfather but it was kind of true, it is said he was the source of Ludwig's own stick-in-the-mudness.

Feliciano grinned like a Cheshire cat. "I have an idea!"

Usually, when Feliciano had an idea it was a very dangerous thing for anyone in a five-mile radius.

"Ja?"

"I think us, our brothers and our nonno's should all go out for a picnic. This way, they'll all know each-other!"

Well, they'd have to meet each other eventually.

End of Part II

* * *

A/N: What did I just write? I really like to torture Ludwig. He's one of my favourite characters actually, maybe that's why.

Next chapter will be interesting. (Hopefully).

Review lest your womb and/or chest hair shrivel up and die!

~C


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Omake/bonus chapter**

* * *

It was a really beautiful day outside. The sun shone, the birds sang and the Italians actually wore some clothes for once. Well, Feliciano had anyway. Ludwig couldn't be sure about the rest of his the Italians. Although they seemed more 'decent' than the younger Vergas grandson they had a habit of surprising him.

Lying across his lap was Feliciano who, per usual, was taking a 'siesta'. Letting the art student take a nap was the only way to stop him from eating all the food before their respective families got there. Well, short of playing soccer but the German didn't want to leave a bad impression on them by being sweaty or something.

Speak of the devil, Romano and Roman arrived on the scene with the biggest picnic basket Ludwig had ever seen. He'd already allocated the amount of food to each person by weight dammit! What part of "we have enough food" do Italians never seem to understand?

"The kraut's here and Feli's asleep! Do something! He's going to steal my fratellion's purity!"

"No he's not!" smiled the elder.

"You don't know that! I don't trust him!"

"Calm down."

"Oh fucking great...more schnitzel-salesman..."

Aldrich and Gilbert made their way up the small hill, Gilbert carrying an umbrella in his hand (the sun is the natural enemy of the albino). The elder German made a face of surprise, breaking his usual 'onion-chopping-bad-asses-have-no-emotions' expression. "...Roman?"

"Oh, look, if it isn't Legolas!" Suddenly the German was glomped by the Italian nonno. "I haven't seen you since the army!"

"Ja...Please let me go."

"But you might leave me again, old friend!"

"I won't! Just let me go!"

"Will somebody tell me what the fuck is going on?!" Screamed Roman's darker-haired grandson.

Roman turned to him. "Well, Aldi here and I were besties since we were teenagers!"

"Let me go you bloody door-mouse-eater!" Came a muffled voice from Roman's chest. The Italian obeyed.

"Ve~ Our granddads were best friends! That's so cool, isn't it Luddy?" Smiled Feliciano who'd been woken up by all the commotion.

"I suppose." The blonde was very weary of this new development.

The six were all given set portions by Ludwig. The six were all given ridiculous amounts of extra food by Roman. It was pretty good too. Feliciano had made sandwiches, fruit salad and normal salad. It was a pretty light meal, but in Italy lunch is usually a light meal so Ludwig didn't feel that a visit to the doctor was necessary. On the other hand, the other Italians had made enough to feed an army. Some sort of fish pasta because it was a Friday and they were Catholic.

Roman, who was a dinner-party/picnic/most other things expert initiated the conversation. "Oh gods! Legolas hasn't changed a bit since he was fourteen!" He poked his friend's cheek with a fork. "Accept all the wrinkles."

"Sorry for not having a two-hour beauty regime." Said the Aryan sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant!" Aldrich received an unwanted apology hug. "I just mean that you act the exact same as the day I met you!"

"How so?"

All the grandchildren were slightly curious about what their grandfathers were like in their youth (although the Italians had already heard many stories) and listened attentively. "Okay. We were roommates in boarding school," Roman began "and every weekend when I woke up, he'd be at his desk, studying for like, four hours!"

"That's too fucking long! What is it with you study-crazy German bastards?!" Romano was appalled. "That's sick. You are a sick bastard."

"I don't see anything odd about that." Said Ludwig casually.

"Holy shit he's like your clone!" Gasped Roman in shock and horror before holding his future grandson-in-law's face. "You've brainwashed your grandson!"

"He has not!"

Roman broke off the argument "Let's just agree: Germans be crazy." and let go of the poor man's face.

The families were now discussing food when the awesome Prussian pocked the irritable Italian.

"Psssssst, Romanoooo."

"What is it albino-bastard?"

"Do you wanna leave?"

"For where?" Asked Romano, desperate to get away from this crap but still untrusting of anyone the slightest bit Germanic.

"Stall, other side of the park. They serve alcohol."

"I knew it, all krauts're alcoholics!" he said in a tone that would make you think he just figured out time-travel. (Surprisingly, no one heard him. Like a soliloquy.) "And what makes you think I'll go with you?"

"They sell Prosecco."

"I'm listening."

The albino got up. "As the brothers of the happy couple, we have to discuss happy brother-in-law stuff."

The rest of the people let them go, too stupid, too lazy or too distracted to point out everything that was wrong and unnatural about that statement.

"When're you two going to move in together?" inquired the Italian grandfather who always seemed to be really interested in where their relationship was going. "I mean, Feli practically lives with you already."

"I want to wait until I have my own home."

"And until we're married!" Smiled Feliciano.

"Yes, exactly. But the Catholic Church won't allow us to get married so we'll just have to be satisfied with a legal document." Pointed out Ludwig.

"Ludwig, you're not Catholic." Stated his grandfather. "You're protestant."

"WHAT?!" Roman was scandalized.

"You can't say anything; you were pagan when I met you."

"Yes, but that was just teenage rebellion!"

"Ludwig?! Were you going to convert into that corrupt system people call a church?!"

"No! But I think Feli-"

Roman interrupted them. "I think he should conver-"

"STOP TRYING TO CONVERT MY GRANDSON!"

"WELL, MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T HEATHENISH WRETCHES I COULD!"

Feliciano then dragged the younger German away.

"Where are we going?" Asked the dragged.

"It looks like a serious argument. So we have to leave until it blows over!"

Typical Feliciano. Running away. However, maybe he wasn't totally wrong. After all, he'd seen how violent Arthur's catholic vs protestant debates got, and that's when he was having them with himself!

The two grandfathers were left alone now. "I guess we drove them away." Roman pointed out sadly, noticing they were alone.

"Probably for the best."

"Maybe Feli's converting him to the path of righteousness and we just don't know it."

Aldrich frowned. "I never saw you as the religious type."

"Why?"

"Well, you did spend ninety-per-cent of the time talking about women, drinking and fighting."

"Oh yah!" Smiled Roman. "That reminds me, I was drunk, fighting with this guy and his sister came up to me after I'd beat him up and we-"

"NOT THIS AGAIN!"

"So albino-bastard, you just drink it all at once?"

"Yep." Gilbert handed Romano a shot-glass filled with vodka. Why people sold vodka during the day in a park filled with young children neither of them could quite fathom.

Romano swung it all back in one go but spat it out almost immediately, making a face. "What the fu-"

"Now, now language."

"Go fuck yourself."

Gilbert's plan to get Romano drunk for the amusement of everyone present had failed. So he went for plan B, start a conversation. "So what's with you and Antonio?"

"What do you mean, bastard?"

"Well, you're around him allot are you two together?"

Romano was disgusted at the suggestion. "Fuck no!"

"Why're you two always together then?"

"He was my fucking baby-sitter for years and years! Since I was like, three! I'm pretty sure the tomato-bastard could go to jail for something like that!"

The Prussian frowned and then opened his eyes wide in realization. "No friggin' way! You were that little girl, Lovi!"

Romano cringed at his old nickname. "So?!"

The Prussian burst out laughing. "Oh my god! I remember we were like, thirteen when he started babysitting you!"

"Shut up!"

"The first time I saw you, you started attacking me because you thought it was a home-invasion or somethin'! Do you remember?"

Of course he remembered. He recognized the Prussian from the moment he'd met him. He mentally kicked himself for letting it slip that Antonio was his babysitter.

"You were such a cute kid! What happened?"

"Shut up."

The awesome Prussian went with plan C. This was like plan A but with more glasses and lighter alcohol.

"Hey, Luddy?" A small head rested on the German's shoulder. "Why don't we get a cat? I think cats are allowed in your apartment. I know a Greek philosophy student who's trying to re-house fifty-six cats by the end of the semester!"

"Is that Hercules?"

"Yah, how'd you know him?"

"He's Kiku's friend."

"Why didn't he introduce me?" Feliciano now wore an expression of absolute sadness and rejection.

"I just met the two of them by coincidence." He assured the Italian who was now crying, saying something about Japan turning on the axis to form a Greek alliance although Greece was unofficially with the axis and lost a tenth of its population in the war and this made no sense and something about Arthur and mint. "I was working some shifts in the cinema and they were going in to watch a movie."

"Okay." Feliciano had gone back to normal. "So about the cat?"

"Cats hate me."

"Maybe you smell like dog?" Suggested Feliciano.

"What did you say?" Ludwig pretended to be offended.

"I didn't mean it! We don't have to get a cat! Cats are just meanies! They're just jealous of your cuckoo clocks! I love you! Don't be upset!" The smaller one was now clinging to him.

"I was joking." He smiled a little before letting it drop. "But still no cats."

"I don't like the name Ludwig." Finally, Roman spoke about something other than women, fighting and alcohol. "It sounds too much like earwig. And Gilbert just sounds lame."

"That was pretty friggin' rude."

"But true."

"Well...Feliciano is a stupid name and Romano is just your name with an O in the end!"

"Feliciano comes from feliche which means happy! At least my grandson is happy and doesn't have a stick firmly planted up his ass!"

"At least my grandson can get a proper degree!"

"At least my grandsons look out for each-other!"

"Mine can watch their language!"

"Gilbert told Elisaveta to eat his crotch-cloth!"

"Let's stop fighting," Sighed the German. "It would upset both our grandsons."

Roman looked down in shame. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Feliciano and Ludwig joined their grandfathers, oblivious to the fight they had just had. Romano and Gilbert wouldn't join them until two hours later, drunk as skunks and leaning on each-other singing an obscene song by Lilly Allen.

Feliciano blew out his candles. He was surrounded by friends and family and food. The Italian had wished for nothing more than for all present to never leave his life.

But he was about to get another surprise. In a white box, labelled "Roma" was a small tabby-cat. Instant bond. Instant connection. Instant overruling of anything a certain German had ever said.

Two hours later, Ludwig sported several claw-marks on his face. "Roman, why did you buy him a cat?" Moaned the German as he cleaned up after the festivities.

"I didn't."

On the other side of the crowded room another member of the Vergas clan gave Ludwig the finger. "Up yours kraut!"

It was times like this Ludwig really felt like one of the family.

End of part III

THE

END

* * *

A/N: If the following story has left you with requests, prompts, ideas or suggestions please feel free to say so via review.

Also, if it has left you with any negative side-effects don't you even try to sue me because I have no money and I'll reverse the whole situation like the ninja-lawyer-super-sayan I obviously am!

Also, tell me everything I did wrong!


End file.
